how to fight loneliness; smile all the time
shine your teeth to meaningless and sharpen them with lies
and whatever is going down will you follow around that’s how you fight loneliness
you laugh at every joke drag your blanket blindly fill your heart with smoke
and the first thing that you want will be the last thing you’ll ever need
that’s how you fight it
just smile all the time...

hayallerde yaşamak doğru mu? doğru nedir? ben nerdeyim?      niye burdayım?
herşeyin sahteleşmeye başladığını hissttiğin bir dünyaya nasıl gerçek dünya denilebilir? gerçek nedir? 
ikisi arasında kalınca duygularımı yitirmeye başlıyorum... duygu nedir? sahte midir? gerçek midir?

i need a new heart
this one's hollow

bana söylendiğini hissettiren şarkılardan biri... ilk dinlendiğinde saat üçtür ve beyazlar olmasa da üstüne kara kara yazabilecek başka şeyler bulunmuştur...

sadece unutmamak için;

saat üç ayaktasin
uyku tutmamis yine
ne yaziyorsun kara kara
beyazlar ustune
kalem biter hic guvenme tukenmez diye
hayat bile sona erer gunun birinde
sen hic yalniz kalmadin mi?
kalabaligin icinde
derdine derman aramadin mi?
siselerin dibinde
sozler sahteymis,
cek kendini adim adim
yuzler belliymis
yagmurlarda aradigin
bulamadigin
usenmissin
hikayeni bastan anlatmaya
faydasi yok
nefesini gecmisle yormaya
itiraf et seviyorsun huznu kederi
aci besler uyandirir
bosvermis bunyeyi

"vincent malloy is seven years old,
he's always polite and does what he's told.
for a boy his age he's considerate and nice,
but he wants to be just like vincent price.
he doesn't mind living with his sister, dog and cat,
though he'd rather share a home with spiders and bats.
there he could reflect on the horrors he's invented,
and wander dark hallways alone and tormented.
vincent is nice when his aunt comes to see him,
but imagines dipping her in wax for his wax museum.
he likes to experiment on his dog abacrombie,
in the hopes of creating a horrible zombie.
so he and his horrible zombie dog,
could go searching for victims in the london fog.
his thoughts aren't only of ghoulish crime,
he likes to paint and read to pass the time.
while other kids read books like go jane go,
vincent's favorite author is edgar allen poe.
one night while reading a gruesome tale,
he read a passage that made him turn pale.
such horrible news he could not survive,
for his beautiful wife had been buried alive.
he dug out her grave to make sure she was dead,
unaware that her grave was his mother's flower bed.
his mother sent vincent off to his room,
he knew he'd been banished to the tower of doom.
where he was sentenced to spend the rest of his life,
alone with a portrait of his beautiful wife.
while alone and insane, encased in his tomb,
vincent's mother suddenly burst into the room.
"if you want to you can go outside and play.
it's sunny outside and a beautiful day."
vincent tried to talk, but he just couldn't speak,
the years of isolation had made him quite weak.
so he took out some paper, and scrawled with a pen,
"i am possessed by this house, and can never leave it again."
his mother said, "you're not possessed, and you're not almost dead.
these games that you play are all in your head.
you're not vincent price, you're vincent malloy.
you're not tormented, you're just a young boy."
"you're seven years old, and you're my son,
i want you to get outside and have some real fun."
her anger now spent, she walked out through the hall,
while vincent backed slowly against the wall.
the room started to sway, to shiver and creak.
his horrid insanity had reached its peak.
he saw abacrombie his zombie slave,
and heard his wife call from beyond the grave.
she spoke from her coffin, and made ghoulish demands.
while through cracking walls reached skeleton hands.
every horror in his life that had crept through his dreams,
swept his mad laugh to terrified screams.
to escape the madness, he reached for the door,
so he and his horrible zombie dog,
but fell limp and lifeless down on the floor.
his voice was soft and very slow,
as he quoted the raven from edgar allen poe,
"and my soul from out that shadow floating on the floor,

shall be lifted--nevermore..."

sick, tird and homeless
with no one here to sing for
tired of being weightless
for all these looking boys
..........
..........
symptoms are so deep
something here's so wrong
nothing is complete
nowhere to belong
symptoms are so deep
i think i'd better stay here on my own
so spare me if you please

burda her zaman ki gibi yalnız kalmam herkes için iyi olucak

affedin beni....